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 it hurt so bad when she told me to leave her room. ive been depressed all day about various things it feels like everything is going wrong at once and the pain is almost too much for me. i love rose but i really need her to understand that i cant do certain things and her not to get sad or upset or mad over little things so we can enjoy our love together. it hurts me so much inside everything that happened last night. even some of the things that happened a while ago that i told her i would try to forget. i honestly want to die but i told her i wont so i guess i wont. but now i feel like she wont care if i do. i really think she is going to leave me and i dont want to have to let her out of y life. i love her with all my heart. i know we can have lots of fun and good times together its just that it gets really difficult sometimes when she does this but its not even her fault usually its something i do and she gets really upset over it and we both get sad. i dont even want to talk about what happened last night. if i think about it all at once i WILL snap and kill myself. and there is probably at least one person out there that will care that im gone. maybe. Sometimes i wish we could look past the small things and she could understand when i say i cant do something she should trust me. everything i do is for the better of our love and i cant seem to get her to understand that. im trying as hard as i can to go and see her but shes making it difficult sometimes. and why would she keep asking me to ask her to marry me in front of my parents? when she stresses me out like that all i want to do is die. and i dont want to be married when i die that way nobody misses me. but nobody would anyway like i just said. even my ""friends" would move on. i wonder if christine actually needed the phone or if she just wanted me to go. the last thing she said was "christine just needs the phone ok now get out of my room dont come back. bye" for one thing we have this thig where since we live so far away we know that if we tried we can feel eachother and even talk to eachother when we arent actually on the phone or online. so i was in her room. another thing is that we never say bye because we are always supposed to be with eachther. i know she is mad at me and since im out of her room maybe she will fuck kodi again. wether or not she does that will show if she really loves me or is the same she used to be. if she says she fucked him or thought about it then we will have to have a really serious talk......


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